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ramblings of a teenage girl

I AM FEELING VERY HAPPY TODAY
because weishan is finally BACK <3
YAY YAYYY
so happy (:
today is a day worth celebrating! although the day is gona end like in one hour or two so i shall upload a photo of both of us (:

i have been dreaming for a consecutive of 4 days!
today i woke up happy and then realise it was a dream and suddenly felt something tugging at my heart.
i dreamt that everything went back to normal. but in real life, aiya, something's still not right.

i got a huge urge to talk to people. what there's nobody online that i can talk rubbish to )):

when's the sun gona come out after the rain??


i want to learn korean, so badly ):

i have been dreaming a lot recently.
that day i got a weird dream about SYF and how we sounded so terrible, like a COP band, scary. and i dunno why we were sitting at the audience seats playing and the judges were on the stage. and miss sia instead of conducting, she just sat down and played a saxaphone, occasionally stood up and yell at people. and i dunno why, she stop the whole song and started again. i woke up before the results but i was quite sure we'll get cop.. /:

the next day i dreamt that we were having combined in my room?! i had no idea how everybody fitted in. i dreamt that miss sia was complaining she was having problem opening the window and yelled at me to fix it.

then the next day, i dreamt that i received my results and i was so scared that i didnt dare open and see and i started crying on a bus. and the weirdest thing is that the setting is bugis.

all my dreams always dont seem to make any sense.

i am hoping that tomorrow, it wont hurt to pluck 2 teeth D: and they wont bleed so much please /:

i am writing this tonight not in hopes that you will read it but i wana let it out somewhere so my heart wont be so sooo sooo heavy. bcos i think even if you did happen to chance upon this, you wont even give it a damm or realise i am talking about you, bcos i think our friendship is gone. and i want to say you are the one that burn it off. recently, i was trying my best to keep the friendship going but you just dont seem to give a damm about it.

what else can i do. i think i have tried my best. and i am too tired to continue trying.

we have drifted even before we go different jc, how saddening is this. i knew it will come one day but i never knew it will be this soon.

i once told you, when you get closer to this new friend , you will tend to get further and further from your original closer friends but i never expect myself to be under the second category. perhaps you dont even know its happening. i dont think you know..

can you tell me what exactly went wrong? bcos i cant believe how people initially so close can just turn to strangers, awkward 'friends' within just 1 month? how?? HOW!!! HOW, TELL ME!!!

in this whole school, there are 2 people that i love the most and you are one of them but now you are gone. you have chosen to fly off with another one. i will never want to go same jc as both of you bcos i think its torturing to be reminded of how close we used to be and now we are strangers, too distant to talk, lacking of common topics now and. at bugis that day, you had nth to talk isnt it except _ _ . now think think i regret asking you for that 3-6pm at bugis. it just confirmed that yes we have drifted, yes its time to say goodbye.

you know i hate her but you love her now, dont you.
so i think..

i once mention after i drift apart with people that i used to be very very close with, when we have gone awkward, i will run away whenever i see you outside. maybe you must be thinking did i ever say this before.. but yes i think this is happening now. i am gona run away bcos i .. seriously.. dont want to be reminded..

holidays after o's.. isn't it supposed to be like the happiest times? but i am not feeling the least bit happy.

我很在乎这事因为我珍惜我们的友谊。。。
但是你很像一点都不在乎。
如果我说我决定放弃这友谊，
我是在骗人。
因为我根本就放不下。。。

Yesterday went for my 3rd day at conrad, perhaps my last day..
when i just started to get used to the work there and sort of enjoy working there cause we have made friends with the people and starting to know the managers..

today me and weishan got separated/: so we didnt managed to eat together. i went to the 4th floor and work around the poolside ( OMG the scenery is beautiful!!! i gaped at how pretty it is when i first got there. you can see the Singapore flyer from there!) while weishan stayed at our usual 2nd floor. Weishan worked under barry and david today while i work under steve. steve is nice(: but today all our guests are kids!!at first i thought wow.. not adults should be very nice but it turn out a little scary after all. KIDS~

sprite):

i love christmas trees that are white or those that are made of bears (:


i hope i made the right choice
i hope all will turn out well... (:

i want to work.
i need to.
i need money.
without money, i cannot buy stuff, cannot do stuff.
that makes me so materialistic, i am not.
but its scary how in the month of Nov i've already spend so much and its all my mom's money.
i feel bad.
so i must work to earn( some) back.
yeah i spend so much i dont think i can earn it all back.
how much can a part-timer earn anyway..
also to make my hol a bit more meaningful la.
all i do is either watch tv, use comp or go out play.
and when you go out play, you need $ too!

if the interview fails tmr,
i hope i can find office work.
haha photocopying, faxing and shredding waste paper is quite fun! :D
if all is well,
i hope things will go well at workplace (:

in this hol,
i hope to gain 1 kg.
and if i work there, i need to train my arms abit haha.
i want to run but i always procrastinate

i need to start looking at the jc book.
i need to stop procrastinating, seriously!
i think on the first day of jc school, i am gona freak out!
yeah.. i should thinking so much about everything.
the more i think, the more scared i am, the more unhappy i will become.
so what's the point.

i dunno what got into me that made me so emo these few days..
terrible, i think so much on the bed at night, i am suffering from mild insomnia
life after o's arent that happy and good as i expected..



im a person who really thinks too much.
every little thing that a person says and do i take in and tend to interpret smth out of it. why do i think so much? your facial expression, your tone, every single word that you say. i read and perhaps over- read stuff.
i beginning to find my character so bothersome. it makes me an unhappy person.


i went out with weishan today!! after so long, i finally go out with her again, just the 2 of us :) and today is a fun day. we just talk and walk and laugh. its just so funny what she has to share! i wonder if we look like 2 kuku on orchard road. shopping with weishan is just so tiring, she made me walk the same place round and round (the same shops) THRICE!! yes i counted..


continue another day. tired):

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